craft, Doll, pullip, Uncategorized

My hands and Edna

It’s much easier for me to be inspired to write about what I’m currently working on than to write about what I have finished.

“I never look back, it distracts from the NOW”– Edna Mode.

But there is so much I have made while not writing that I’d like to figure out a way to harness the excitement of the now to that which has passed.

So, let’s try this. We’ll got on the journey of my day or my current endeavors and then endcap it all with at least one finished project. Perhaps the two things will relate…perhaps they won’t.

Today

It’s summer vacation but I had some school-related work today.

This week I go to Jr High schools in the mornings to assist students with English speech contest practice. Today turned out to be a light work-load. We worked with one student in the morning until 9:20 and then had to wait for a second student at 11AM. Between these time slots the English teacher I worked with and I made sample recordings of me reading various speeches for students to use for practicing.

Recording didn’t take long. The English teacher I was working with and I sat and talked until 11AM.

We ended up talking a bit about ADHD. I disclosed I had it and she, having read up on it a lot, had asked questions to try to understand why some of her students with ADHD DO the things they do…one example was a student who tries to cut their nails with craft scissors while class is in session. Which made PERFECT sense to my mind.

Like people on the autism spectrum, folks with ADHD often stim. Stimming is any repetitive actions that help a person self-stimulate their senses: auditory, visual, tactile, and even olfactory. Stimming behaviors relieve boredom/anxiety or distract from pain / discomfort while also burning off excess energy.

The urge to stim is NOT going to go away with a teacher or parent telling a child to stop the behavior. The underlying anxiety, boredom pain or discomfort that is triggering the need to stim hasn’t gone away. Stopping the coping mechanism may actually elevate the anxiety. Even if it doesn’t, the absence of the stimming will make the underlying discomfort hit even harder.

I’ve always fidgeted with my hands. It wasn’t strange for me, from elementary school through high school, to have art projects WITH me at my desk. Finger knitting. Origami. Drawing. Filing hard wax rings for lost wax casting. Building wax figures. Using needle nose pliers to manipulate wire into 3-d objects.

Really.

Because of the specific public schools I went to this the reaction to this varied. I was occasionally seen as a problem in elementary school (depending on the teacher), it helped mark me as a bad student all through middle school, and was tolerated in high school because I could quickly demonstrate my understanding of the class topic when challenged…and my high school cared about art. It wasn’t an issue in college because I went to an art school where I was either making things or taking liberal arts classes I had a genuine interest in.

My schools were NOT Japanese schools

I know how strict Japanese schools are about students not having objects unrelated to class out on desks or in hands. I’ve seen how quickly stimming that bothers others (humming, tapping the desk, clicking pens) gets shut down (although that’s the same in America). Often students only have the option of stimming with hands, bodies (quietly) or staring at a particular object or thing in motion.

So what’s with the cutting nails in class?

Take my hands. I didn’t need to be told to frequently massage my surgery scar to help break up the scar tissue and aid in mobility. That scar is on my hand and I can feel it

To stim I tend mindlessly rub the pad of my thumbs over the fingertips and nails of the same hand. If my hands and fingernails are smooth, no hangnails or scabs or jagged nails or chipping nail polish, it’s possible to focus on something else while my fingers and hands do what they need to do. When that smooth surface is compromised OH BOY.

The interruption of my hand movements by an unfamiliar or unpleasant sensation can quickly change my stimming to an intense fixation. That jagged nail is now the center of my world.

ADHD people are not deficient in attention. We’ve got SO MUCH energy to pour at things. We have a deficit in the ability to regulate where and how our attention is focused.

A jagged nail interrupts the motion that was alleviating my anxiety/boredom ( and allowing me to focus on the task I needed to tend to). As that stim is removed, and the underlying mental noise pours in, that jagged nail presents as the thing to intensely fixate on. If I didn’t have ADHD I could simply note that I’ll have to clip my nails later….but I have ADHD. I can’t quickly and quietly regulate my focus back onto the task at hand.

Now that I’m on Strattera (a selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor that helps me with my dopamine levels) I can better recognize that I an fixating on something and work at how to redirect that focus.

Even on Straterra I sometimes will not be able to refocus without first removing/dealing with the new fixation issue. I might automatically surreptitiously try and rip that jagged edge with a fingernail. During a dull meeting I WILL have to fight the urge to dip my hand into my desk and grab some scissors even though I know how socially unacceptable it is and how ineffective a tool craft scissors are for the task.

I’m an adult on medication. The average neurotypical child is going to have a worse time fighting impulses. The average child with ADHD? Even one on medication (which is hard being dosages and medication have to be adjusted as they grow) that is helping with the larger issues will have a very VERY difficult time refocusing until the fixation is eliminated.

And that’s why the craft scissors are out, in class, going for that nail. That child knows that until the issue is dealt with they will be emotionally and physically unable to do anything else. They might also know they’ll be in trouble but that won’t stop them, it’ll simply make them try and hide it…and they’ll feel like a failure if they are caught and chastized. Knowing the consequences isn’t enough to stop all impulses.

That’s why.

That’s my dance everyday. The tango of temptations with an ever changing irregular rhythm of regulation thrumming under it all.

Finished Project:

Little Pullip to Edna Mode.

If you can’t link Edna Mode to the speaking habits, intense focus, delight in a new challenge and ever gesticulating personality of someone with Impulsive/Hyperactive type of ADHD…that is on YOU.

The basics

removed wig and makeup
replaced stock Little Pullip body with a more posable 11cm Obitsu body.
scultpted onto face with apoxie scupt.
repainted face
Doll wig from Parabox.
Shrinky-dink glasses
sewed outfit with black cloth, black ribbon, and pink ribbon.
bought tiny tights and shoes from Azone.
enjoyed.

Simple, elegant, yet BOLD

Doll, pullip, Uncategorized

This doll has EVERYTHING

After a long delay I finished taking a used TaeYang and remaking it into Bill Hader’s SNL character Stefon.

Why? Because it brings me joy.

Here’s the before and after on the face.

I wrote about and photographed the process in more details here, February of 2020.

What you’re seeing above is:

removal of paint and wig
carving into and sanding the face to change the features/shapes
opening up the head and inserting new eye chips.
painting the face (actually drawing chalk pastels and watercolor pencils…I still differentiate dry and wet media work from when I was a drawing, not painting, major)
creating a custom wig cap and then making a wig out of brushed acrylic yarn
Sculpting some rings with apoxie sculpt.

Over winter break I was trying to rest my left hand, hoping that buddy-taping and resting my injured finger could heal every thing and I wouldn’t need surgery. Spoiler: it didn’t.

My plan was no knitting, limited sewing, no small dolls (that I’d have to hold in my left hand, only large enough dolls I could rest on a surface while working on….and I made Stefon his iconic shirt because most of that was painting with my dominant hand.

I already had stretch white fabric from making Powerpuff Girl tights. I found the right shade of green fabric in the form of a kid’s tank top at a used clothing shop for 100¥.

After sewing the shirt I used a combination of acrylic paints and ink to make a simplified version of the Ed Hardy shirt Stefon wears. I used a photo of the original shirt for reference. The SLN version has removed the Ed Hardy logo, so I didn’t include it either.

I dressed him in a pair of fake snakeskin pants I already had from another used doll. I may make costume acurate black cargo pants in the future. As the character is behind a desk you only get to see his legs in the wedding finale. I figure the difference between the sort of black pants Stefon WOULD wear and the actual pants he DID wear are inconsequential because most of us are filling in that information in our minds.

The final touch being getting him a pair of boots. I am not ready to start making tiny shoes and boots. I just am not.

And now I have the doll who has everything.

craft, Doll

Maybe we go deeper.

Setbacks and stashes.

What kind of person am I?

After getting some disappointing but not unexpected results in my life, I take stock of what I have,l and then take two Ambien (the full dose) so I won’t stay awake with worry I can do nothing with.

And the following day, as I head home from work, I’ll get a flash of the night before and check my emails.

Yes. Indeed. Ambien me did order “Thr Artist’s Way” on Amazon. Because, my friends, is the kind of person I am.

The kind who thinks, things aren’t as I’d hoped….maybe I just need to be more of an artist.

It is time to stop searching for more projects and use what I have…

Because last night I did take stock… and these are only the dolls I haven’t started working on…my used doll stash. This doesn’t include my in progress pile.

19 Disney animators dolls
One giant monster high doll
One 17 inch monster high

One tall Rapunzel (plays music)
Two My Scene dolls
Seventeen monster high dolls
Two EAdolls

One TaeYang
One Namu
Two factory Blythes
One Dal

March, 2020, the year of the dolls begins.
I’ll still dance, and teach dance, and work my day job. …and need Ambien from time to time.

But we’re going on a doll adventure, folks.

craft, Disney, Doll, japanese, monster high, Social, Uncategorized

Updates: Continue moving forward

Job stress: Will I be under employed? Can I find a different job quickly? Will I get permanent residency? Should I just go with being underemployed and cram for JLPT N2 6 months earlier than planed?

These are the things that make me want to just nap all day. When I’m asleep, I can’t consciously worry. I’ve had a few days since learning about work that involved doing one or two things and then nap. Nap. Nap.

I know this is depression.

When I can craft, that’s a win. It means I’m not asleep all day. I’m working on my kanji and Japanese gramar studies daily as well. I’ve applied to various jobs and…if I don’t hear anything in 3 hours…will do more of that. I continue to teach dance and know I may need to increase that soon.

I’ve had an interveiw….but I haven’t heard back since.

Protip:
Always go early to interviews to make sure you can find the location. This is extra important when you travel by train and on foot. But you don’t want to officially arrive TOO early, that’s a bad look. Hopefully the offices will be located near a Donki Hote or similar store where you can relax a bit.

Of course, this is purely hypothetical.

In doll land, I am knitting Snow a sweater and have made her jeans. I don’t plan to keep her. I do plan to try and sell her and a few of the other Disney Animators dolls I’ve done. Knitting helps. Even when I have to frog a row, I concentrate.

I’ve been modding a random 200yen figure to make a “Pretty Pegasus Raven” to try what I think is a Japanese version of Apoxy Sculpt, Wave Epoxy Putty (light weight).

Yes, taking a handsaw to a doll’s hair was…theraputic.

She’ll get more putty layers before I’m finished.

Raven the average sized Ever After Doll continues as well. I’ve made her her cape, her arm/thingies and boots.

I sculpted some accessories and her belt from air-dry polymer clay..but they are still drying.

And that’s how I’m moving forward. There are three dolls on my balcony drying a new layer of Mr.Superclear. I’m reminding myself that I only awoke a few hours ago so I can’t possibly nap yet. I’m thinking about lunch.

craft, Doll, monster high, Uncategorized

Chibi-Raven

I roam the Hobby-off (a used toy/hobby shop) with no real plan in mind. Sure, first I scope the dolls but then I just wander the figures until something speaks to me.

This isn’t unlike the time shortly after my first move and job change within Japan in August of 2004. I hadn’t planned to stay here…and then I was offered a new job. My cash was low, so I had to borrow money for the move.

There was a “recycle shop” near my new place with a used sewing machine for 3,000 yen, about 30 usd at the time.Worth every yennie.

I’d already started hand-altering and embroidering my clothing about a year earlier. It was a way to cut down on the temptation to shop aimlessly. I’d also gained and lost weight in my first few years here so I had items that needed to be taken in.

My weeks at my new apartment I was broke but my new job was yet to start. My entertainment was sewing.

What will I make? What can I make?

I’d look at my pile of things I don’t wear and either alter them…or totally seam rip them and make something new. An old jacket became wool scraps became a purse. A dress became a tissue box cover and purse lining and so-on.

The Hobby-Off trips are similar.

Banpresto makes a lot of small figures, most of them for claw machines/UFO catchers.I pick them up used. They can be great presents for my geek people back home.

This is a figure from Monogatari, a series I know nothing of.

She was around 200¥ and reminded me of Raven. I wanted to see how customizable these figures are. They have the same plastic and proportions of Nendoroids but aren’t poseable and are way cheaper. I have a Nendoroid face a friend would like me to customize later.

If it were a Nendoroid I’d just pop the hair and face off easily, they are made to have inter-changable faces.

This figure isn’t meant to be changed, I pried the hair off with a flathead screwdriver and removed her face with paint thinner (not acetone).

The heads are easy to remove and the bodies come in half. I assume she came in a box and had to be put together.

I removed her skirt and started removing her extra clothing with an X-acto knife.

I should probably learn how to film this stuff…not because there’s a need for more tutorials but because there might be a kink market willing to pay for such visuals.

I wish I’d slimmed down her chest/upper body more. Regrets. Then I started smothing things out with Tamiya Epoxy Putty. I wish I’d glued the torso to the bottom half before this step because not doing so created cracking when the torso experienced pressure and I’d have to do it later. There are slight seams on the product now.

Not pretty. I not do a better job of clearing the work area of lint.

After sanding I added more potty to create Raven’s power/chakra/thingy and build up her suit.

More sanding and I decided to make THIS Raven more of the neutral gray hue they use for her in Teen Titans and Teen Titans Go.

Spray paint for plastics!

I wish I’d gotten the chest a bit smaller and smoother and sanded more of the putty where the stocking indents were. Live and learn. I also started painting the hair with acrylics to make sure it took well.

This is where we are now.

Next up I’ll work on her face, fix it, and then assemble her and do final paint touch-ups and gloss up her red power belt.

I’m about to have a month free from my regular teaching job. This means hustling more on the dance side, probably doing some paid cleaning work, and having time to craft. My goal is that by the end of the month having some of my larger Disney Animated Dolls finished and listed on Japan Mercari as a test to see if that’s a good local selling option for me. I also hope to get closer to finishing the reroot on the Belle-to-Melody for my friend Gina’s child.

There are plenty of crafts to be done, this is what the area about my computer looks like right now…

So, yes, Wednesday Addams, Raven, Raven, and an almost finished Jinx.

craft, sewing

Capelette: I’m ready to be extra at your funeral.

Over a year ago I bought two kinds of fake fur when lining and updating my vintage coat.

Last summer, when making a Gothic Emily Doll for my friend Emily I saw a capelette pattern at Yuzawaya while I was trim shopping. It looked like it’d be a great way to use up my black fake fur.

It was the Japanese version of this pattern, just the three capelettes and none of the shrugs. It was cheap as well. I figured I could draft a pattern or just buy one and whip it together when I had time.

This month I stash-busted leftovers for finish it February.

I’m putting a hook and eye closure you can’t see for now, but when I find the right dramatic closure or vintage buttons I’ll use those instead.

Tada, I’m ready to be extra!

It’s not the most extra fake fur capelette I’ve ever made…I made this and a matching purse and gave it to a friend about 10 years ago.

But, I don’t think the black capelette needs eyes…yet.

And, having a wire pet brush (for doll hair) was really helpful in brushing the seams of this coat.

craft, Doll, Uncategorized

Hair Meditation.

A common reaction to my arts and crafts is: “I wouldn’t have the patience”

I don’t. I am not a patient person.

I am a scattered mind with so many ideas and thoughts that teaching myself organizational skills has been essential to get anything done. When I am not hyper-focused I am easily distracted and have a hard time prioritizing tasks. When I am hyper-focused on something I need to do…great…but that is rarely the case.

I have anxiety and depression which creates powerful emotions that can derail my life if left unchecked. I require grounding on a regular basis.

Let’s look at what this has to do with craft. I’ll be using doll hair here but the same is true of sewing, knitting, beading, stitching individual sequins and more.

This is an EAH doll I’m turning into Teen Titans Go Raven.

This is a traditional reroot. I’ve hand mixed three colors of hair, cut them to length, and started the process. For each hole I’m wrapping about 10 strands of hair around a two pronged needle, holding them in place along the needle’s shaft with a finger, and plunging them into the head from the outside. Then I release the finger holding strands,twist the needle slightly, and remove the needle.

Later I will apply glue to the inside of the head to keep the plugs in place.

Let’s check out a yarn re-root.

Using acrylic yarn threaded through a wide-eyed and long needle, this process also starts outside the head. I push the needle into the head but then, unlike the previous re-rooting, push the needle until it emerges from the neck hole.

Pulling the needle out through the neck usually takes the use of a Leatherman or similar gripping/pulling tool.

Please excuse my fingers, these are the cuticles of my anxiety.

Once the yarn is in through the hair hole and out the neck hole and the hair is the general length I need, I knot it. I cut the yarn below the knot and pull the knot into the head by pulling on the hair above the hair hole. No need to glue later.

Once it’s all threaded and knotted and pulled it’s time for the pet brush, unless you’re using yarn to replicate locks or twists and want the yarn to remain as is.

You brush and brush and brush that yarn until it separates into fluffy strands (you’ll loose a LOT of fiber and some length, that’s ok). Below shows before and after brushing. If you were replicating locks/twists you’d fill fewer hair-holes (after doing the edges) to control the amount of hair mass.

Now what does this have to do with anxiety and my lack of patience?

For most of my lifetime this (and dance) was as close as I could get to a meditative state of mind clarity.

The repetition of movement, the precision needed, and the concentration used helps clear my head. It’s not that I don’t think while doing this, I do, but it’s a quieter thinking. I don’t have the time to chase strong emotions or berate myself. With my hands busy a strong emotion may easily be noted and pass and I won’t be tempted to chase down its cause right then and there.

Anxiety and Depression cause feelings/emotions that are real. Your body reacts. You can feel your heart rate change. There’s a buzzing. There can be anger flares and tears. You can feel your chest deflate and your shoulder slump forward and the heaviness of everything. It’s not in your mind, it is your mind and body.

These emotions are Real.

They aren’t necessarily TRUE.

Without having ways to ground myself, these emotions take me to terrible places. If I feel worthless, I’ll internally dig into myself find a list reasons why I should feel worthless. I’ll justify that feeling and label it real. If I feel the buzzing of anxiety and search externally, I’ll find a million things to believe are the cause and set to “fixing them” as if that will lift the surging panic: I’ll rehash settled issues with friends and loved ones, hurting them and bringing no peace to any of us. I’ll spend 2 days thinking that I need to re-order my kitchen and it’ll bring me calm. I’ll fixate on the past. I’ll ignore boundaries. I’ll lash out, believing my rage is justified. I’ll be all reaction and no calm, rational, reflection.

I’ll spend my nights awake in self-torturing thought loops chasing each emotion until it is dawn.
When I’m doing detail work I’ll be able to do what I’m supposed to do in meditation.

Breathe
Note emotions, memories, thoughts and let them pass without action.
Calm myself.
Give myself permission to do one thing at a time.
Give myself permission to be quiet.

I am not patient. I am a complex emotional woman whose lack of patience and desire to do things RIGHT NOW when my emotions flare up who has found ways to calm herself and create in the process.

You don’t need to be patient to do these things. You just have to enjoy the process and what it brings you. If you don’t enjoy knitting, or sequins, or beads, or plunging needles into dolls heads (but enjoy the results when others do it)…it’s not because of any failing in your patience, it’s just it isn’t a process that suits you. That’s ok.

And to all my crafting friends…who, like me, know that crafting does have emotional highs and lows but who love it for what it brings you. I’m glad you have craft and it brings me joy when you share it.

-K

craft, sewing, Uncategorized

Quilt

For the last week and few days my mother has been here (and we’ve traveled to Vietnam) so crafting hasn’t been my highest priority. Tomorrow she heads back to America and the Craftsmas resumes.

It’s time to line this scrap quilt I made last year. When spring of 2018 started coming I stopped after I purchased the batting. Warm weather isn’t what I need to go forward on a scrap quilt.

Now that my free time is starting it’s time to finish this.

It’s 160cm wide by 240 long. Ignore the mess. It’s what happens when you have to push everything to one side of the room.

The Mom and I visited the Nippori fabric district and I came back with my quilt backing fabric (and more…) and threw everything into the wash when I got home (and then hung to dry).

Tonight, after she went to bed, I finished the backing.

Tomorrow it moves to my dance room (where I am currently sleeping) to begin tying it.

blythe, Doll, sewing

Aggretsuko!

Let’s move along to finished projects I should have told you about ages ago.

My Aggretsuko Blythe! Just in time for the Netflix Christmas Special!!

Her face just wasn’t right last time. I realized that it was because I’d given her lips. Red pandas have mouths that pop out from under white fur.

That issue solved:

Eyes I ordered locally:

Hearts and skulls!

I also used a pattern book to make that tiny shirt. I drafted the skirt myself.

Local wig! I decided to trim it after this picture. I made the ears out of white fake fur and orange felt. They are lightly stuffed and stitched to the wig.

Hair cut! Fake beer from a Gotchapon

Machine.

I used a pattern book again but altered a jacket pattern into a vest pattern.

With leftover white fake fur (I painted with watered-down acrylics and brushed between colors to prevent clumping) I created her tail.

I also drew one pair of her eyes and glued them to 14cm glass cabochons.

And printed out the last pair and glued them similarly

Tada!!!

Happy Holidays, Y’all.

craft, Doll, pullip

Holly went roughly.

Doll fixing while cleaning:

Picked up this damaged, unwigged, naked Audrey Hepburn for about 2,500¥

What she’s supposed to look like.

Reality.

She was missing blink bars…which didn’t much matter as is because her eyes had been modified so they stuck out too far for her eyelids to close anyways.

I’d found a listing on Mercari for two sets of blink bars and two sets of eyelids for this generation of Pullip (three-part head with body type 3) for 500¥ MINE!

I found her generation of eye mech at Dollyterria with some large eye-chips the same time I bought her. 500¥ MINE

Good thing too!

Her body was in good shape but I had to figure out what was up with her eyes.

Ok. Eye-mech broken. Replace and save for items that can be used to repair future eye mech.

Eyes…wtf? Some sort of doll eye has been hollowed out and fitted (and smashed) over the eyemech eye area. This is probably the stress that eventually broke the eyemech.

Useless to me.

With Audrey’s face off I took the time to remove the rest of her face. Her lipstick had been removed by a previous owner.

Then I put her eyelids in, put in a new-to-her eye mech, inserted her new eye bars and reassembled her.

The eye chips in the eyemech also stick out a little too much, interfering with her blinks, so they’ll be replaced when I decide how I want to repaint her.

But there we have another doll ready to face-up when inspiration strikes and we still have two pairs of extra eyelids and one pair of wink bars.

Do It Yourself: WFU

The dolls and art of a woman in Japan trying to be better.

Tag Archives: craft